Saturday, June 20, 2009

Factory Slave

Do you work in a factory?

Do they pay you?

Have you ever, thinking yourself quite witty, referred to your occupation as "Factory Slave" or "Slave to XYZ Corp?"

If so, please punch yourself in the face 10 times.

The number of times you actually ended up punching yourself in the face is how witty you are on a scale of 1 to 100. You get paid. You're not a slave. You're more of a whiny bitch than anything. Why are you not punching yourself in the face?

I'm just incredibly tired of seeing and hearing people who make damn good money (some up to $30/hr) whining about being slaves. You have a job! Boo f***ing hoo! They're not gonna pay you that ridiculous money unless you actually go in and work for it. Wahhhhh! Get over yourself. People who refer to themselves as factory slaves should be shackled to their assembly lines for 6 months, without pay, forced to work while only kept alive with bread and water. Then, they can call themselves factory slaves all they want. Until then, shut the f*** up.




Why are you not punching yourself in the face?!?!
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

ORANGE!

This is my truck...

It is orange...

Omaha orange to be exact... sometimes called safety orange because it is supposed to make things more visible. Can you see it?

If you can, and very plainly, then please explain to me why I can't seem to drive anywhere anymore without some idiot pulling out in front of me in broad daylight! HELLO? BIG ORANGE TRUCK! What the hell is wrong with you people?

Civilian traffic, semis, law enforcement, bicyclists... they all want to tempt fate with a few tons of fast moving orange steel.

Idiots... I am so tired of idiots.
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Putting Out a Fire With Gasoline

Leave it to Hoosiers to solve small perceived problems by creating new ones. Leave it to Hoosiers to, in the same breath, mention the solution to a large problem, but then say that it isn't going to happen. The root of both problems: a certain stretch of Indiana 64.Owensville Junction As was reported in today's Princeton Clarion:

A blinking traffic signal at Ind. 64's junction with Ind. 65 will be upgraded to a full red-yellow-green signal in late 2010.
Wonderful, that's just what we need. As if that two lane stretch of road with constant traffic wasn't bad enough, let's add a stoplight so we can really clump all that traffic together! Let's make this run take even longer! The junction of 64 and 65? Owensville junction? I do not see the point. Supposedly, it is a safety issue, but in reality, it's not in any way difficult to enter or exit 65 at that intersection if you have even the most basic driving ability... which may be the reason Hoosiers need a stoplight.

The real problem with 64 is that it is a two lane road with too much traffic. With a high volume of oncoming traffic, passing becomes difficult, and any slow traffic will bottleneck the artery. Surely, if the slight problem of the junction of 64 and 65 is being so readily addressed, then the desperate need for a four lane expansion will be given the same consideration...
Cher Goodwin, spokesman for Indiana Dept. of Transportation's Vincennes district office, said Wednesday the increased traffic at the hazardous intersection warrants the upgrade, but it's unlikely the highway will become a four-lane thoroughfare without a unique funding source.

She said while traffic has increased on the highway, there's no four-lane plans in the near future.

“There's something in the long-range plans 20-35 years out, and as industry changes, that's always something that could be reviewed,” she said.
Perfect. It's all about priorities, eh? Let's not even consider finding a way to solve the real problem. Let's fix a small one that will actually worsen the big one! This makes so much sense. Adding a stoplight compresses all the traffic into a pack. Any slow traffic in the pack will slow everything to a crawl. In desperation to get moving, people will make even more daredevil passes than the ones they already do. So, logically, this project is going to achieve two things:
  1. Slow traffic, making your trip take longer
  2. Make the stretch of road more dangerous due to larger packs of traffic
My sentiments are echoed... to an extent... by a commenter on the story, D. Parrish:
Now that IDOT has begun the process of applying common sense to this intersection, it begs the question of how long before they undertake restricting the passing zones along Highway 64 between US41 and the Duke Energy power plant. This entire stretch of highway is dangerous and needs to be upgraded appropriately. While widening the road isn't always feasible, modifying the striping to restrict inappropriate driving practices is well within the reach of IDOT. And, to avoid misunderstanding, it's not only the truck drivers that abuse this stretch of road ... more often than not it's the passenger vehicles in a hurry to arrive at their destination in as short a time frame as they can manage. Any change on this stretch of highway is long overdue.
Restricting passing zones? If that happens, all will be clear. This is all just one big scheme to make the dusk evening commute look like the world's longest funeral procession.
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Rain Gauge

I got to thinking the other day about myself. I thought about how I used to be a nice guy. I really was. I even think other people considered me a nice guy. I didn't start fights, didn't push envelopes... I just let things go. At some point, I became an asshole... funny how that happens. I can't really pin it down to the one moment it happened, but I do know that it obviously happened. I used to be nice, now I'm not, so there had to be a turning point. Any of your morons need a diagram?

Was it one event at the turning point though? I doubt that. I would have remembered that. It had to be an accumulation over time, and therefore could have been set off with the slightest additional event, therefore going undetected as the catalyst of my transformation. If you look at pictures as I grew up, I'm smiling so brightly at a very young age, only to quickly and methodically look angrier with each year.

I think it goes something like this: Everyone has a rain gauge (figuratively... not literally... if I don't add that, some idiot will say "Not me, sure don't, duh huh!"). Everyone's gauge is a different size. When the world and everyone in it pisses all over you, it begins to fill up. When it gets full, you hit critical mass and have to overflow that piss onto others by being an asshole.

Of course, some people medicate instead. This burns a hole in their rain gauge so it can't easily fill up, but everyone around them still gets wet anyway due to the leak. The medicating type seems to position themselves right under the stream though, eventually causing the gauge to fill faster than it can leak, leading to the inevitable overflow. Everyone still gets wet. What a pity.

Finally, there's the people that have rain caps on their rain gauges. They are perpetually joyful, having never caught any piss, instead letting the rain cap splatter it about so there is more to be caught by everyone else. This is why you hate the goody two-shoes. You can't pin any wrong doing on them, but you, as a justified heel, know you just want to slam that white-meat babyface through a table, hopefully hard enough to break off the rain cap.
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I must be bored...

In my time off from the Yodermatic, I've found that I had a lot to catch up on since I started there last October, and have been really rolling to get a lot done... until recently when I pretty much got everything up to date. Now, I'm faced with something I haven't had for a long time: a slight time surplus. Now, naturally, I should be spending this surplus time to do things even more productive... but, instead, I explored MySpace Apps. Well, there goes productivity.

Yes, big_cray is one of the 55 millionish users of Mobsters, as well as Heroes, Mafia Wars... and a few others I don't care about as much. As it should be plain to see for just about anybody, these are all pretty much the same application, just with different themes and slightly varying numbers. Regardless, destroying a few virtual foes does have some entertainment value.

However, I am me, and I am really incapable of doing anything fun without thinking of a way to do it more efficiently, which then results in me putting work into it. So, I spent 5 minutes building a spreadsheet for Mobsters that calculated the new cost of a property after the cost is inflated after purchase, as well as the cost/income ratio, alluding to the next best buy. It was ok, but it didn't produce an actual list, and I didn't like manually stepping through and looking at the ratio. This looked like a job for some JavaScript.

So, I spent considerably more than 5 minutes constructing a JavaScript calculator to do what I wanted. Knowing that there were so many applications that used the same basic formulas, I left it pretty open ended, so I was easily able to make calculators for half a dozen other applications in mere minutes each. Now, Cray had finished his tool, and was free to spend time playing.

Once again, I am me, so I began to wonder if I had reinvented the wheel. I did some searching and found that other people had published their own calculators... that were based on Excel spreadsheets and were mostly inferior to my original spreadsheet that I had been unsatisfied with. Interesting...

So, I decided to publish my work over at Andyville so people would have another option. This also does something else: opens up the gates for new suggestions which will (you guessed it) lead to more work for me to do in my play time.

Of course, since I began writing this entry, I've thought of a few nice new additions that my calculators could use... so, back to work!
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Big Cray: Accept No Substitute

MySpace Application Calculators
Mobsters Territory Calculator
Heroes Kingdom Calculator
Mafia Wars Property Calculator
Dragon Wars Land Calculator
Pirates - Rule the Caribbean Island Calculator
Outworld Colony Calculator
Rockstars Promotion Calculator
Vampires Minion Calculator